Yes...the day is here.
The album event of the year.
Rhyming unintended.
Them Crooked Vultures.
All of you should know who this band is by now, as I've been frequently/infrequently promoting them in journals.
This band is bigger than you.
I bought it early this afternoon...two copies of the CD.
One for using, the other for keeping sealed.
I'm doing the same with the vinyl when it comes out next Tuesday.
This album is so good, I'm buying four copies...doesn't that tell you something?
You bastards can at least buy one.
Now, time for a song-by-song review...in case you're retarded and need more convincing.

1. "No One Loves Me & Neither Do I" 5:10
2. "Mind Eraser, No Chaser" 4:07
3. "New Fang" 3:49
4. "Dead End Friends" 3:15
5. "Elephants" 6:50
6. "Scumbag Blues" 4:26
7. "Bandoliers" 5:42
8. "Reptiles" 4:16
9. "Interlude With Ludes" 3:45
10. "Warsaw Or The First Breath You Take After You Give Up" 7:50
11. "Caligulove" 4:55
12. "Gunman" 4:45
13. "Spinning In Daffodils" 7:28


"No One Loves Me & Neither Do I"
One of my favourites.
A song that's built on pure lust featuring one of the greatest riffs ever.
One of the best "fuck songs" I've ever heard, especially when the second part kicks in.
With lyrics like "If sex is a weapon then: smash! boom! pow! How you like me now?", "You can keep your soul. I don't want a cell mate.", "I know how to burn with passion. Hold nothing back for future ration.", and "I know how to be lost in lust. Not because you should, but because you must." it'll leave you shoving your partner's head into something as you give them a lil' "somethin'-somethin'".


"Mind Eraser, No Chaser"
One of my favourites.
Contains a great Homme and Grohl trade-off chorus, and a wacky riff that's sure to please.
Oh yeah, it also has an ending that is so completely out-of-place, it actually becomes in-place.
"All I wanna do is have my mind erased. I'm begging you, pleading you, stop comateasing us all. Drug company, where's the pill for me? I call it mind eraser, no chaser at all." "I know that I'm gonna be your dangerous side effect. Ignorance is bliss, until they take your bliss away."


"New Fang"
One of my favourites.
The lead single from the album, and, as such, is the most radio-friendly-sounding.
Not that that's a bad thing...this song has sweet riffs that'll have you moving your head.
Kinda sounds a lot like an old QOTSA song.
"Sometimes you break a finger on the upper hand. I think you've got me confused for a better man..."


"Dead End Friends"
One of my favourites.
The main guitar riff in this song sounds a lot like the Planet Terror theme, which automatically equals epic win.
This song also has some sweet motherfucking bass...just listen to that...fucking cunts...
"I follow the road at night just hoping to find which puzzle piece fell out of me... I know who you are and I open the door and climb in. Hold me real close, then do it again.
I ache for the touch of my dead end friends."


"Elephants"
One of my favourites.
The main riff in this song is so incredibly awesome, jizz-worthy would be a way to describe it.
I think.
Said to be the most "Zep-sounding" song on the album, and yeah...they're right.
"Feeling somewhat deserving of what will be some day. No, I can never stay melancholy, I've the memory of your face." "I slick back my hair, you know the devil's in there, so keep one eye open, baby. We're so easy to spot, lepers riding atop pachyderms full of germs. Elephants broken and screaming..."


"Scumbag Blues"
One of my favourites.
Homme nails the falsetto in this song, it's a major fuck-yes.
The solos are fuckin' awesome, and the guitars during the chorus...oh yeah, and the weird keyboard parts make this song one of the best on the album.
"Innocence has no resistance against a wicked counselor such as I." "Then you grow cold, cold as a stare. As if no, none, could compare. But you don't know, how close, to ensnare. When I control, you will despair."


"Bandoliers"
One of my favourites.
The thing that sticks out the most about this song is the jam-part towards the end.
"Bandoliers, to fight you dear. Nobody caused the rift. Can't become what I'm not. You've always had my heart, so if it must be broken...prepare and take aim. Then fire."


"Reptiles"
One of my favourites.
Oh my fucking cock, this song has some of the best riffs the world has ever been presented with.
The beginning and middle freaky/slightly ominous/crazy-ass parts makes me shake my head in disbelief of how awesome they are every single time I hear it.
Just the guitar throughout this song makes me feel good inside.
"Questions are a fire that needs feeding to survive, so just you let those flames die down. See them reptiles crawl? Getting closer... Why won't someone come to drive them away?" "Don't rest too long it's a mistake you can't take back. Take one lying down for a change. And oh, it's like cleaning up after an orgy when it's over. I wish someone would burn this place to the ground."


"Interlude With Ludes"
One of my favourites.
A song that's dramatically different than the rest.
This song is a surreal drugged-out experience, and features the best lyrics on the album...which I will now present:

"I've always been behind you, so I think we should meet.
I sharpened my knives, so I'm gonna use them.
Oh, baby, oh
I'm gonna smother you with my love, forever & ever, also forever.

Acid & poison & chemicals, baby, is what I mean to provide.
I know together we'll make the possible totally impossible.

If you want me I'm yours & even if you don't want me
I'm trained & licensed & armed to the teeth, I think you'll agree.
It's so hard to apologize...so I'm just gonna skip it.

Sleep deprivation will make you a million.
Did you just hear something crazy?
I got my fingers crossed you'll catch something baby, cause I just threw myself at you.

Everyone run & hide, I'm coming to find you.
Is my face still bleeding?
What is your problem?
By the skin of my teeth... That's how I'm gonna drive you.

On the good ship lolligag. LSD & a bloody pile of rags.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news...
...but I am."


"Warsaw Or The First Breath You Take After You Give Up"
One of my favourites.
One of the more "ass-shakers" on the album that shifts into one of the more psychedelic songs on the album.
"Autobiographical anonymous, a cotillion of friction on my jurisdiction.
It's a lovely disguise with the wandering eyes. I get high, now you've got something to look up to." "You finally drop the knife. Forget you ever h.... It's such a goodnight. Ain't forever. It feels so good to give up, give in... her arms."


"Caligulove"
One of my favourites.
Another big lust-filled "fuck song" full of sexy riffs, makes me wanna jizz every time I listen to it.
Also has an amazing keyboard section towards the end, and a sweet little odd part at the end.
"My dear, a sensitive soul is just a tyrant who enslaves all those around him, to make certain he is hurt. Always." "Darling, there are no taboos in lust. My veins coarse blood that's so venomous. When the heartless hears a heartbeat... He's jealous...so jealous."


"Gunman"
One of my favourites.
The "fuck songs" just keep coming one after another...
Features a fuckin' bad-ass solo before the second verse.
Around the 3 minute mark is when everyone should stop what they're doing and fuck something.
"Violence is just an incomplete thought. Coming to a complete stop. Stop. You're so clever you'll tear us apart. Then masquerade it as art. Not smart. If you can help anyone, help yourself, that's unless you hate yourself. Then don't help."


"Spinning In Daffodils"
One of my favourites.
The intro piano section is sure to bring a tear to any demon's eye.
Then it shifts into something this side of "Wynona's Big Brown Beaver"...ending with the absolute perfect ending to an album.
The music during the "I'm so high..." part gets into your emotions...there aren't a lot of better final lyrics to an album.
"Once, out in the rain, I was able to strangle my shadow then unshackle the chain. What? What will you do? Is it safe to play god in the garden & king of the zoo? Holes, well they need to be filled. Positions available, yet some are quite hard to get out of or in." "Fail, as big as a whale. Like a canine that chases the bone that's tied to its tail. I wish I was a beautiful balloon. I could rise up above it all & fade out of view. Gracefully fade out of view. What have you turned me into?" "I'm so high I just may never come down."